Worst Case Scenario: If Pokémon Were Real

Here at GotGame we’ve discussed a lot of ways to deal with situations many of us would consider very not-so-good, mostly involving zombies. While I agree that zombies are a menace we should prepare for, what about situations that don’t necessarily sound bad at first? Inspired by Lewis Black’s The Root of All Evil and Worth1000.com, here’s my worst case scenario: If Pokémon were real.

Arbok by Worth1000's FernNZ

Whether through genetic engineering, natural evolution, or dark magic, real Pokémon appear in our world. While some people rush to buy their own, others fly all over the world, some even give up their jobs, all in an effort to capture wild Pokémon and become Pokémon masters. However, protests from PETA and other animal rights groups force real life Pokémon battles to operate underground. As the world watches exposés on the world of illegal Pokémon battles, another seemingly unrelated story comes on involving the decreasing population of animals in the wild.

Blaming climate change, people fail to realize that it is the Pokémon, not global warming, that are responsible. Compelled by their natural urge to fight, Pokémon slaughter species after species until the only animals left in the world are Pokémon. They find their way into our homes and into our hearts, but this is all merely a part of their plan. Eventually, Pokémon resent being under the rule of humans, especially after enduring the torture of Pokémon battles and the disgusting indignity of being forced to film live-action children’s television.

After a few isolated incidents of Pokémon attacks and killings, the Pokémon wage an all-out war on humanity (remember Conquest of the Planet of the Apes? Like that.). They attack major cities, leaving icy, electric and flaming destruction in their wake. Despite being the most prepared for monster attacks, even the Japanese fall due to their love of things cute and deadly.

Art by *Wasil from deviantART

Humanity is enslaved, and Pokémon, in a cruel twist of irony, are now our masters. Seeking entertainment, the Pokémon work to alter humanity to provide the same entertainment we sought from them. Crossing human DNA with Pokémon DNA, humanity is transformed into humonity. Where science fails nature is used, in what can only be described as a perverted Pokémon fanfiction gone horribly right. Just look on deviantART sometime and you’ll have some idea of what horrifying results would be in store.

Eventually every trace of humanity is gone from this world, subverted by the will of the pocket monster. Not satisfied with Earth, Pokémon soon leave this world to spread across the galaxy until the entire universe is one big poké-verse.

So if you happen upon a real-life Pikachu, don’t “awww” its cuteness; kill it immediately! Or this will be our fate. You have been warned.

Thank you Worth1000.com and all contributing Photoshop artists for your inspiring, realistic Pokémon artwork. The nightmares still haven’t stopped, though some pictures are VERY impressive.