World of Warcraft Infiltrating Your Subconscious

Next time you’re on YouTube, you might see some clips featuring the World of Warcraft Spirit Healer splashed over the Related section.  Or a friend might tell you to listen more carefully to the ethereal whispers in the mist the next time you get killed while playing.  The surprisingly popular theory: she’s beseeching you to play more WoW and give WoW more money.

What a load off the WoW player’s mind.  You’re not the one with the problem!  You’ve actually been manipulated into letting Blizzard siphon away your life force.  It’s not as though an engaging fantasy game could possibly hook so many subscribers without some psychological hocus pocus.

Some gibberish that could be transcribed as “gibba ashee mani” might be also interpreted as “give us your money.”  Also, this Final Fantasy song is about cheese.  And of course, the Super Smash Brothers Brawl theme glorifies omelets and sheep.

If there really is some manipulation going on, though, I’d like to think that there’s a better way to do it.  Let’s assume, first, that the goal here is to take over the world through mind control.  If someone’s creating zombie legions, ten million strong, why train them in virtual combat?  Would a left-handed WASD-style mashing to the heart be fatal?

Perhaps we’ll all be online about fifty years from now.  We’ll have avatars capable of mimicking our every raised eyebrow and finger twitch.  In such a world, level 70s and above would literally dominate.  Whoever could claim dominion over these virtual fighting masters could probably be considered the ruler of the world.

Or perhaps, as the entire human race gradually falls under the enticing purple glow of the screen, just one will remain immune to the bondage of questing and raiding, and assume control without resistance.

Ware the Spirit Healer!  Close your ears!