Who Would Survive a Zombie Apocalypse?

With Resident Evil 5 hitting Japan on March 5th and heading west March 13th, this seems an appropriate time to consider the following question for some well-loved video game characters: “Would you survive a zombie apocalypse?” Sure, we know Zoey and friends from Left 4 Dead and the Resident Evil protagonists have what it takes to survive, but what about the others?

Mario -Mario is tough to figure. On one hand, he’s fatass that might fail to recognize his toadstool buddies have become zombified until it’s too late. On the other, he’s a fatass that is somehow an Olympic caliber athlete. Put him in a band of survivors and he’s a capable helper that the group’s needs ahead of his own. Good for them, bad for him, but at least that plump body should serve as one hell of a distraction.
Status: Dead. Now an Olympic caliber zombie.

The Master Chief - This should come as no surprise, but the Master Chief is pretty well protected in the event of a zombie apocalypse. He’s a crack shot, he knows how to drive, and it’s unlikely zombies would be able to puncture his suit. Besides, the events of the original Halo helped create a precedent: it’s highly unlikely he lets emotions get in the way of survival.
Status: Alive and well unless someone convinces him that a sacrifice will stop the Apocalypse.

Solid Snake - Snake is another story. There’s no question that Snake’s skills will allow him to fight on and survive if he really wants to: but would he? Cut off from his friends and overwhelmed with the burden of being too good at surviving in a zombie-infested world, he might well pull the trigger on himself with all hope of rescue lost. That level of gloom and doom seems to happen to someone in every other zombie scenario.
Status: Uncertain, but if he’s dead he sure isn’t as a zombie.

Slippy Toad - Fellow Gotgame writer Adam Templeton’s Slippy-related concerns drive me to new heights of laughter, so I thought I’d pay homage here, but being zombie chow is too simple.
Status: Dead. Unable to maintain his composure in the opening moments of the zombie apocalypse, he promptly panics and crashes into a gas tank at the first sign of zombies.

Way to go, Slippy.

Pac-Man - Pac-Man would make the perfect zombie apocalypse buddy: he’d be good at making sure the group doesn’t get cornered by slow-moving undead. If he does become a zombie he’s pretty damn easy to shoot in the head.
Status: Alive.

Lara Croft - Lara’s a survivor, plain and simple. She’s battled and explored almost everything else under the sun, and she’s sharp enough to recognize that two handguns are better than one.
Status: Alive, and no, she won’t lend one of her handguns to my unarmed ass.

Faith Connors – The Mirror’s Edge protagonist possesses the skills necessary to get the heck away from any zombies she encounters, even if she has to do it simply by living rooftop to rooftop. She might have a problem with the dreaded fast zombies of more recent horror incarnations instead of the slow, shambling, Romero zombies.
Status: Alive.

Spyro the Dragon - It wouldn’t be a zombie movie if someone didn’t die horribly, and Spyro is it. His lack of hands are a severe survival handicap.
Status: Dead, but he goes down while others get to safety.

Kirby - It’s not even a given that Kirby is edible. However, in the face of a zombie apocalypse, Kirby would be the one doing most of the eating. Because of this he’s likely to inadvertently infect himself with the zombie virus when he attempts to steal a zombie’s powers, and given Kirby’s voracious appetite, that’s trouble.
Status: (Un)Dead, and a harbinger of doom because most blasts will just bounce off his marshmallow exterior.

Mega Man - Like the Master Chief, Mega Man may well be the savior of mankind. He’s a robot the zombies will ignore, and the little guy could be a veritable zombie exterminator. Only problem is, will there be any humans left alive by the time he’s purged the world of zombies? And will he win the epic final battle against an undead Kirby? Given the costuming in Dead Rising, maybe Capcom was hinting at this…
Status: Alive. Possible savior of mankind.

My money’s on Mega Man, but given my lack of proximity to any safe havens, if a zombie apocalypse does occur, I’ll be dead long before I get to see it.