Virtual Work: Jobs Better-Suited for Consoles

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am fascinated by the fact that the mundane can become the fun-dane when done virtually. Games like Cooking Mama have proven that cute, anime-eyed characters and bright colors can make anything appealing: despite my hatred of cooking, I can’t help but want to play that game every time I see a screenshot of it.

The other day, I thought to myself, “They’re not capitalizing upon this concept nearly enough. People seem to like working when they’re not actually working.” Considering the growing popularity of casual gaming and the fact that there are a countless number of occupations to explore, I have comprised a list of professions that should make their way to consoles:

Retail Worker: Although retail was likely the worst job I’ve ever had, I’d thoroughly enjoy doing what I actually wanted to do to my customers after all those years of biting my tongue. How classic would it be if you could throw your merchandise at a curmudgeonly old lady on a whim? Or “accidentally” kick the screaming child that knocked over your display? Ahhh…evil with no consequences; my kind of game.

Personal Trainer: It would be like WiiFit…without having to do quite as much (WiiSit?). For those of you who prefer to watch others break a sweat rather than actually breaking one yourself (e.g. sports spectatorship, Sweatin’ to the Oldies videos), this game would have your name written all over it. Bonus points if you could laugh at the obscene-sounding grunts people often make during heavy weight-lifting.

Office Worker: Sure, white collar office jobs seem like a drag, but Steve Carell has proven that “shirt and tie” types know how to have a good time, too. I’ve personally worked in an office long enough to know that rubber band fights and pranks on coworkers have their time and place, so a game that solely consisted of this would be a blast. Anyone up for a round of steal the red stapler?

Tattoo Artist: Needles terrify me, but the notion of being able to doodle on somebody’s arm with less permanence titillates me. It would pretty much be a pimped-out version of Mario Paint, but you’d get the added satisfaction of seeing your customers’ horrified expressions after you were finished with your masterpieces. (“Dear God, why is there a liger on my calf?!? I asked for a butterfly!”)

Paparazzo: Although I’d feel pretty despicable being one in person, how much fun would it be if a game allowed you to chase down the most shameless, inebriated celebrities and take scandalous pictures of them in some vain attempt to ruin their lives? This one could even become a fighting game at points: watch out for bald Britney and her umbrella!

Sure, my reasons for wishing these games existed are mostly rooted in ill intentions, but I like to consider it therapy. Why act professional when you don’t have too, really? All work and no play makes Andrea a dull girl. Here’s hoping that these professions follow in Cooking Mama’s footsteps sometime in the near future, lest I get written up for acting upon my devious imagination!