The “Whore”-ible Truth About Video Game Hookers

One could say games have matured with age like a fine, smut-filled wine.  Once innocent, 8-bit pastimes, they have evolved into decadent, grandiose monstrosities.  Love them or hate them, you have to give them props for coming this far.  The further they evolve, the more closely they mimic reality—and I’m not just talking about the graphics. 

Content-wise, there’s pretty much a game for each of the “7 deadly sins” and then some—Pacman for Gluttony, Rampage for Wrath, WoW for Sloth (kidding)—but nothing raises more eyebrows than when a game embodies Lust.  And what better way to depict unbridled Lust than a good, old-fashioned prostitute?  The world’s oldest profession has become video games’ spiciest taboo.  Originally scolded for gore and violence, games now take the hot seat when they enter the red light district. 

Grand Theft Auto, one of the few game series to embody all 7 of the deadly sins at once, has thrown many into a tizzy over its prostitutes, giving new meaning to the phrase “I’d hit that” with one’s ability to run them over.  Strangely enough, aside from prostitutes themselves, what initially freaks most critics out is that players can (gasp!) have sex with them.  The actual prostitutes have their panties in a bunch (if they are in fact wearing panties) over silly trifles like how players can kill them to retrieve their money after “services” are rendered.  Pfft.

For all you feminists out there that think games like GTA degrade women, don’t worry!  There will soon be a game that degrades men too!  The new concept art for the upcoming Fable 2 not only depicts female prostitutes, but male prostitutes as well.  Somehow, I don’t think this equal opportunity sluttery will do much good in the eyes of critics, however, who tend to be equal opportunity haters when it comes to sex.  Lionhead Studios managing director Peter Molyneux addressed the issue earlier this year at Microsoft’s keynote speech.  “We had sex before Hot Coffee in Fable,” he proclaims.  “We have sex in Fable 2 as well–although the screen is black again, sadly. It’s you Americans, you’ve got something against nipples.”

Nipples, indeed.  America truly hates them.  But why sex is more an enemy than violence around here is beyond me.  ABC readily showed Saving Private Ryan unedited, but when Showgirls plays on VH1, every other scene is edited to protect viewers from boobage (when they really should’ve been protecting them from the bad acting).  Peter was right in his evaluation, and it makes me wonder:  seriously, what’s our problem?  If we had to choose the lesser of the evils, shouldn’t something generally associated with pure and utter spite be the real bad guy?

But hey, maybe I’m the wrong person to debate this.  In my ideal video game world, anything goes.  I feel “immoral” games are great therapy—a perfect way to satiate ids for sane people that are able to clearly separate reality from fiction.  In fact, I wish prostitutes had shown up much earlier in gaming history!  How juicy would it have been if Mario sold himself in the Red Switch Palace to support his “shroom habit,” or if Mega Man had to “face off” with Chlamydia Girl and gained a not-so-super superpower from his “intimate” opponent?  Heroes’ imperfections make them more likeable, and in many cases, improve the storyline.  Look at any celebrity that’s fallen in the eyes of the limelight, and tell me I’m wrong.  We love to hate!

Prostitutes have become the latest scapegoat of  “mature” video games, and certainly won’t be the last.   Exploring this “deadly sin” makes me wonder if our priorities are in the right place.  Did a little nip ever hurt anyone?  Leave the prostitutes alone, America—especially the video game ones.  They’re just trying to make an honest night’s work on our respective consoles.  And while you’re at it, leave the rest of the dregs alone too, because they’re the ones keeping games interesting.  Besides, if we hadn’t gotten more depraved ourselves, then the games likely wouldn’t have, either.  Let’s look in the mirror before we cast a stone next time, ‘kay?