The Ultimate Gamer Test

Do you hear an echo of a Mario coin out of the corner of your dream when you first wake in the morning? Have you ever tried to use your company stapler to secure the perfect headshot? Do you tell your girlfriend that you have a “headache” so you can crawl back to the PS3 without protest? If so, you just might be able to make the grade in the ultimate test of gamer commitment!

How Much of a Gamer are You?

Simply give a yes or no answer to each of the inquisitive little gems below, awarding yourself one point for every yes. Tally up your points when you are done and compare them with the options at the bottom.

Are you ready, n00b?

1. Before you sit down to play Halo 3 do you strategically place chips and soda within reaching distance to cut down on trip time to the kitchen?

2. Have you ever broken a controller after being “totally cheated” in Gears of War, only to then try and put it back together to keep playing?

3. Have you ever been accosted by your parents for skipping your yard chores to play Harvest Moon?

4. Can you name the exact number of Mega Man games that have been released? (Hint: The equation looks something like this: X (4)/5.4.)

5. Have you tried to utilize the full self-defense possibilities of the Wii Nunchuk?

6. Did the idea of Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball arouse you more than confuse you?

7. Do you browse video game websites looking for clever gaming tests so you can prove to your internet friends that you are “totally l33t?”

8. Do you know what “For the Horde!” means?

9. Have you ever gotten in a fight with your friends because you know that if you were Link you could have rescued Zelda “in like an hour and a half?”

10. Do you tell everyone that your favorite game is Grand Theft Auto, but you usually miss your bedtime playing Bubble Bobble?

Tally up your points now… no cheating!

0 – 3 Points: Noob Saibot

You are such a n00b that you get named after the worst character in Mortal Kombat history. Pick up a controller and be somebody!

4 – 6 Points: John Madden

You’ve watched a lot of people play, but your own ball handling never left the vacant lot next to the Plaid Pantry.

7 – 10 Points: Caffeinated Pac-Man

You beat Contra III in pre-school and most your net income comes from Project Entropia. You may be confused by the opposite gender, but on your Xbox you’re more hung than Ron Jeremy. Congratulations, you are the ultimate gamer!