The Quest for Cosplay: A True Gamer’s Halloween Costume

Grant sifted through the hundreds of results for his Google image search. He had originally typed in “video game characters,” but hadn’t found anything he liked. He then looked up “funny costumes,” but all he got was generic product-shots of over priced novelty costumes. Then he simply typed in “nerd” and found a picture of himself around page 12 that had been uploaded to his Facebook profile.

Halloween was only a week away and he still didn’t have any good costume ideas. He had spent a ton of time this year talking smart about video games, so he thought he should embrace that side of himself that he had tried to hide on past Halloweens. After all, this was the one time of year cosplay wasn’t frowned upon. But what to go as?

There was always Mario, and even though Grant’s non-existent workout regiment and his habit of not shaving for days at a time made him look a bit like the plumber already, it was the most unoriginal idea out there. There was also Solid Snake, but since he had invested in an Xbox 360, this felt like some kind of traitorous act.

Kratos? Too cold outside to be shirtless… and no one wants to see that.
Link? Too cliché.
Master Chief? Too expensive/bulky.
Cloud? Too androgynous.

The one idea he kept coming back to was Captain Hammer from “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog.” The costume would be easy enough. All he’d need was the hammer logo shirt, which he could find at novelty stores, and a pair of foax leather gloves. He already had green cargo pants and heavy boots so it wouldn’t be terrible, but he was worried that no one would get it and he’d spend the entire evening party-hopping, explaining it to his friends.

In the midst of his reverie, his annoying high-pitched ring tone cut through his inner monologue.

“Hello.” He said.

“Yo.” Came the voice of his friend Kyle from the other end, “So you’re coming into town so we can go costume shopping.” It wasn’t a question.

“Right now?” Grant asked.

The sun had set a couple of hours ago, and the town Kyle was talking about was a good forty-minute drive from Grant’s house.

“Yeah,” he continued, “Ella said you wanted help picking out a costume.”

“For sure, it’s just short notice. That’s all.” Grant said, “Give me a minute, and I’ll be right up.”

An hour later, Grant pulled up to the seasonal Halloween outlet, carrying a cargo of his friends Kyle and Ella. The shop was a defunct grocery store that had the misfortune of being in the same strip mall as a Wal-Mart and had therefore bitten the financial big one. Everything was sterile white, and cobwebs draped over the old cash registers. Grant found it ironic how a business that sold pieces of ambiance was so bland.

“So, what are you looking for?” Ella asked.

“I don’t entirely know yet.” Grant said, “I’ve been thinking about going as Captain Hammer, so if we can find some large leather gloves I’d be set. Other than that, I was thinking a video game character.”

“Of course you were.” Kyle chimed in.

“Hey!” Grant responded, “I’ve never actually done full-on cosplay, and I think it might be fun.”

They walked about the store and marveled at all the unnecessary objects people would actually spend their money on. A life-sized replica of Jason Vorheez or a miniature witch’s head in a crystal ball. Not to mention, of course, the plethora of insipid costumes that could be purchased for unreasonably large amounts of money.

“Yeah,” Grant said, “as much as I would love to be a mullet-clad redneck, or a sexy football ref, I just don’t see the point in buying a costume in a bag.”

“I don’t either,” said Ella, “it takes all the fun out of the holiday.”

“Agreed.” Added Kyle.

Hint: Power Rangers

As they found their way to an aisle littered with haphazard costume accessories, they finally discovered a section devoted specifically to gloves. There were medieval knight gauntlets, demonic hands, and even what appeared to be replicas of Lord Zed’s forearms, but no generic black leather ones.

Just when Grant was about to give up hope, he noticed a bag containing two large puffy gloves that resembled those worn by Mickey Mouse.

“Is it sad,” he asked, “that when I see these, my first thought isn’t Disney, but rather Final Fantasy?”

“Huh?” Both friends asked in unison.

“The menus from old-school Final Fantasy games had a pointer that looked like one of those generic cartoon hands, just like those.”

And in that fateful moment, one of the most bizarre cosplay ideas of all time was devised. People have been dressing up as characters for years, now it was time to don the apparel of an interface.

If there’s a moral to this story, it’s that sometimes you just need to give in to your stupid ideas. They might put a smile on someone’s face.