The Gamer’s Cookbook: Eat at Your Own Risk

Instead of researching the internet, I’ve decided to do some research in the kitchen, which incidentally is now a disaster. Keeping in mind the average gamer’s diet, need for speed, and other issues, I’ve come up with a few dishes. However, because my lab rats and the neighborhood kids are still showing side effects (vomiting, insomnia, spontaneous combustion, etc.), you may want to try some of these at your own risk.

Jerky-Style Ramen:  Prepare ramen per directions, and add beef jerky. Warning: this dish has a lot of sodium and preservatives in it, so don’t make this a regular part of your diet.

Mac & Cheese Nachos:  First boil some macaroni, add cheese, and heat in microwave. I personally don’t care for Easy Mac, but if you’re really in that much of a hurry, then you can use it as a substitute. Add jalapeños, bacon bits, salsa, and/or any of your other favorite nacho toppings. Eat with (duh) nachos.

The +2 Chicken Sandwich:  Heat a microwavable chicken breast, which can be found at your local grocery store, Costco, or Sam’s Club. Add mozzarella cheese.  Pre-packaged cheese is okay, but you can’t beat deli fresh. Place on bread and add whatever else you like. Tomatoes, lettuce, and Caesar or Ranch dressing is a good combo, but just some pickles is good too (hey, it works for Chick-fil-A). Barbecue sauce with honey mustard is my favorite sauce combo, but feel free to try your own.

The JLT:  Making bacon for a BLT can take precious game time, and for some it’s just not kosher. Once again, jerky makes a great substitute. Beef jerky is okay, but I think turkey jerky tastes better with the lettuce and tomato.

“El lobo que rige”:  Chili is great–even better with cheese, and can be even better when you add Velveeta Mexican cheese. Most microwavable chili will probably work, but I highly recommend Wolf Brand Chili (whose website offers some great recipes) Add jalapeños, banana peppers, and/or salsa if you like. Eat with chips for convenience.

Wasabi Dip:  Fish sticks a little bland? Adding wasabi to mayonnaise with a dash of olive oil makes for a great dip.

Easy as Pop-Tart Pie:  Vanilla ice cream with hot Pop-Tarts mashed with a spoon. Fruit-flavored Pop-Tarts are good, but personally I like the s`mores-flavored ones.

Super Turbo Ether, a.k.a. “The Fragger”:  Basically, it’s Red Bull and Dr. Pepper. The high amount of caffeine guarantees you’ll stay up all night, and the next one, and the next one…and probably the next one. That is, if it doesn’t cause an instant heart attack. Seriously, you should PROBABLY NOT TRY THIS. One of my lab rats has been running on his wheel for days, and another just exploded. Poor Mr. Squeakers.

That’s all for now, everybody. Currently I’m working on a recipe for Oregon Trail Mix, but just like the game, everybody keeps dying on me.