The Force Unleashed To Hit The Big Screen?

The Star Wars universe has experienced its fair share of developments in last ten years. What was once viewed as an untouchable storyline in the 1980s has evolved into a totally new kind of saga. Fans saw pristine acting and storylines driven by characters substituted with sappy love stories and special effects. Don’t get me wrong, the prequels had their moments, but I don’t think many would tell you they “wowed” them more than the original trilogy. So, yeah yeah, we’ve heard this before, you’re saying. Why all this talk about the prequels years after their release? Well, someone had to go and make the suggestion that Lucas Arts’ newest video game, The Force Unleashed, be made into a motion picture, and I just thought I’d be the first to say, hell no… unless they abide by my stipulations, of course.

First things first, Star Wars is awesome, we all know it, but I have to say it. One would think anything Star Wars-related is pretty damn cool, but I have reason to believe that the further you get from George Lucas’ original story, the more unlikable it becomes. Take for example the original trilogy; it’s super badass. It’s an all-time cinematic classic with great characters, ground-breaking special effects and a legendary story.

Then some people had to go and think, geez, I wonder how it all began? And then you have George Lucas stretching his already voluminous imagination to new levels to create three new movies. I know, he wrote all six at once, but my point is, why try to fill in the gaps of a story that are better left to the imagination? Which is why I believe that although a movie that fills the space between episodes three and four sounds cool as an idea, it ultimately is left better to the imagination. Now, to the stipulations…

Stipulation number one: never, and may I repeat never, should Jar Jar Binks ever be seen or mentioned ever again in the Star Wars saga. “Me-Sa” this and “Me-Sa” that, if this jerk’s presence in young Anakin Skywalker’s life doesn’t explain a shift to the dark side, I don’t know what does. If there were one reason why fans should ever see his stupid face again, it would be so they could witness his death. Me-sa thinks that’s a great idea.

Second, no more big name actors playing the roles of side characters. I honestly winced every time I saw Mace Windu in the new trilogy. He had his trusty purple lightsaber by his side, but I always wondered if he was concealing a star model 9-mm pistol under his cloak. My mind was constantly elsewhere every time he was on the screen. I would think of Dave Chappelle’s Samuel Jackson Beer (Mmmm-Mmmm bitch!), how glorious Shaft was, or wonder if he was toting his “Bad Mother F*cker” wallet. The point is, he was nothing more than a distraction. He removed me from the environment of the movie, and with films like Star Wars, keeping the audience immersed is key.

Finally, no characters that whine. We saw a little bit of this in Luke throughout the original trilogy, but he made up for that by becoming friends with Han Solo (greatest human ever?). Luke definitely got his whining from his dad, since Anakin would never shut up about how things weren’t fair. “My mother’s a slave,” “They sabotaged my podracer” or “I have sand in my underwear.” Get over it kid, you live on Tatooine, life isn’t fair, there’s no reason to tell the world, we already know. You would expect a Dark Lord of the Sith to have bottled his emotions as a child, but little old Anny decides to throw us a curveball. Nice one, George.

Boo-Hoo

So that’s that, if they’re going to make this game into a movie, I feel like these three rules are a great place to start; even if all the talk is simply speculation. If they were willing to make an animated film about the Clone Wars, I’m sure The Force Unleashed isn’t that laughable of an idea.