The Best Things in Life are Free. Except Girls and Games.

The best things in life are free, so the saying goes. But the premium content, the stuff like significant others and video games, cost money like magic spells cost mana. So if you want the best of anything you better be prepared to shell out some coin or, if you live in Hyrule, rupees. The fact of the matter is that gamers have two loves out of necessity; they need a companion, but they also need video games. The question today is which one costs more.

On the most basic of levels, a significant other cost nothing. That is, if Hollywood did not spoon feed us the image that girls need a wrapped box presented to them twice a week or they risk a complete mental meltdown. Thus, the cost of a lover is extravagant, especially if you have the burden of a Y chromosome. Guys have to pay for everything, ranging from movie tickets to that Tiramisu that they must have after dinner. It starts with an innocent trip to the park where you purchase some peanuts to feed the squirrels ($3), then you venture over to the Go Kart track and drop $15 for five minutes of vehicular flirtation. The sun hasn’t set yet and unless you have some really good poetry up your sleeve, you’re going to have to distract the thing latched onto your arm with a late night movie and some popcorn. Ultimately, a day together comes to about $45, sans dinner.

Video games, your true love, can be just as cruel to you. A new release on console will most likely cost $60. That is if you only buy one game every so often and by the looks of this and upcoming weeks, that is not going to be the case. On the upside, games do not yell at you, making you pay attention to them, nag you, or make you eat dinner with their parents (Hello Mr. and Mrs. Resistance: Fall of Man, how are you this evening?). So there is an initial cost for, games but they provide years of entertainment and pleasure at no added expense (save monthly-pay MMOs).

Both “hobbies” can be costly, but only video games provide an opportunity to exchange in the product for credit towards another. Try doing that with a human being without being arrested. “Hello, Richard, how much trade in credit can I get for this blond volley ball player? Oh, I get 20% extra if I trade it in for a brunette? And 10% more on top of that if use my PEEPS card? No, I don’t need a strategy guide to relationships, they have the Internet now.” With the advent of Gamefly you can receive video games in the mail which you can’t do…well I guess this point is moot.

Bottom Line: Lovers are an investment, or a leech, that slowly sucks the money right out of you. Once you buy your girlfriend an engagement ring, the only thing you’re getting back is a kiss. And that, as we all know, leads to cooties. Gross. Games may have a steep initial investment, but they don’t need you to lavish them with flowers and other such gifts throughout their lifetime. All they want is for you to be happy. So gamers, don’t be upset you don’t have someone to cuddle with on those cold lonely December nights when the cold wind echoes throughout your spartan apartment that lacks the garnish of portraits and little trinkets of love. At least you’ve got an entertainment center full of games and a stack of cash to live off of!

Not a loved one in sight.