What if Doom was rated “E” for “Everyone?”
Kids want to play the games their older counterparts play. They seek to emulate us, because they want to be us, little realizing that some day, when the weight of the working world is on our shoulders, we wish we had schedules more like theirs. Enter the “E for Everyone” rating, that hallowed ground where a sharp developer can make an addicting game and a pile of money without parents crying foul or censorship monkeys on the hunt. I’ve elected to redesign id Software’s classic Mature-rated game Doom into an E for Everyone version for the younger generation, combining elements of the classic Doom mythos with a title character that’s sure to charm younger gamers.
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Forget sex—in the world of video games, dark and gritty sells. (Granted, sex doesn’t hurt.) Being the amoral opportunist I am, I wanted in on this trend. But, it’s just too much work to come up with an original grim and dismal franchise that’s chock full of gut-wrenching violence, vulgar epitaphs, and needless titillation. Instead, I figured I’d make like an ad exec and do a “creative re-imagining” of a well-known character or, as decent folk refer to it, a “complete bastardization of a beloved childhood icon.”