Strange Video Game Cures

To keep a game fun, the designers have to come up with imaginative representations of practical tools. There can be a dozen methods of replenishing your character’s falling health, but what form should that method take? Should it come in the form of an object or an action? Some of the solutions that designers have come up with have been downright bizarre, but in a video game context, we strangely accept them without question! Let’s hope you’re hungry…

Found Food

Charging through your favorite platform game or beat ‘em up can not only be cause for injury, but also works up an appetite! All you have to do is smash open a random crate and what’s this? Free food! That someone just left here on the ground! How careless of them!

You're not THAT hungry, Haggar!

There’s no questioning into who may have hid this mystery meal, why it was abandoned, or even how long it’s been sitting there. Sitting in the outdoors, for that matter…unsealed, save for the crate. Yet this won’t stop your hero from chowing down to replenish some of that diminished life bar.

What’s always made this concept most comical to me is the wide variety of food types found hidden in the environment. Everything from cakes to fruit to my personal favorite: unidentifiable meat on a bone. I don’t know what part of the animal this came from, but it conveniently comes with a handy grip!

“Sexual Healing”

The inclusion of overt sexual themes may be more abundant in modern games, but they’re hardly new. Oftentimes, they’ve offered a practical function within the game, mostly to recharge the battery of the main character.

Old school examples were there, if you knew where to look (and used a little imagination). Those that played Zelda II:The Adventure of Link recall the suspicious lady in red. She was one of only two characters in the game that could replenish your health and she did so secluded behind the closed doors of her home.

In Capcom’s Rival Schools fighting game series, regaining health through a bit of lovin’ was a bit more open. When called out for an assist move, school nurse Kyoko would walk out and massage your character affectionately, “nursing” them back to health. If you’re awesome enough to own the console version for PS1, there’s an additional mini-game on the “Evolution” disc where Kyoko brings her mad skills out into the real world. Through the wonders of Dual Shock technology, Kyoko will vibrate the controller in rhythmic patterns over your body to help release your…tension. Bonus: The ladies may enjoy this feature more than the fellas!

Sleep

The best way to refill your health comes from RPGs, in which all you have to do is take a nap. That’s it. I stumble in a bloody mess in a body cast, but a couple Zs later and I’m a new man! What gives, though? What kind of inn is this? Does that Zelda 2 chick work here? Well, they do only charge by the night…

Herbs

Warning: May cause you to eat meat found in crates.

Oh, Resident Evil… There’s nothing to get one through the zombie apocalypse like a healthy stash of herbs. You have your green ones, your blue ones, your red ones… Each with their special properties to help you feel better. But, hey, it’s all good, man. Be careful, though! Side effects include talking funny and the munchies.

Here’s what you do in the game: If you want to get the best results, you gotta mix the different herbs together! Then you keep them in a folded sheet of pocket-sized rolling paper. How the herbs heal you from here is kinda left unsaid. I wouldn’t assume you just rub the ground herbs on your wounds; that sounds silly. You could make a refreshing tea, but I don’t see a teacup or steep in my inventory. I do, however, have a lighter. Hmmm…