Rockin’ Out in Our Beloved Mushroom Kingdom

Ever since Guitar Hero first graced the scene in 2005, nerds everywhere have been trying their hand at actual music. If you’ve ever picked up a guitar or bass, chances are that you know that one of the best (and most fun) ways to practice is to get a group of like-minded musicians around, establish a beat and chord progression, and just jam until your ears bleed. Being a member of this generation of fledgling musicians, my mind often wanders to who I’d want to jam with, if given the opportunity. It’s really easy to list off rock legends like Eric Clapton, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, or Jaco Pastorius, but since we’re all gamers here, let’s try to focus on our gaming obsession for jam inspiration. For instance, who would we jam with if we lived in the Mushroom Kingdom?

Luigi has been playing second fiddle to Mario so long he’s become awfully good at it. As a result, I think Luigi would be able to rock a killer bass. The difference between an okay band and a great band is often a good bass player, just like how the difference between an okay and a great playthrough of any platformer is often a good player two. There’s no better player two in the business than Luigi.

Bowser is already a thundering monster, so let’s put that natural thump to good use and stick him behind a drum kit. Okay, chances are he’s going to have a terribly heavy bass foot, and we’d have to change out the heads after every jam session, but I bet it would sound great, if loud, before he pummeled the kit into submission. If only Donkey Kong and his beloved bongos were in the Mushroom Kingdom. Oh well, you’ll have to do, Bowser.

Art by Gary Storkamp.

Ludwig von Koopa already has one of the most distinctive voices in game universes thanks to the Super Mario 3 TV show, and he’s one of the few gaming characters to be inspired by a musical great. His passion for composing “Koopa Symphonies” would make him an excellent song writer if this jam group ever made it to the big time, but until then he could probably play a wicked piano and do backup vocals like a pro.

If the success of Paramore has taught me anything, it’s that a female vocalist who doesn’t suck is the true key to rock stardom. That said, who better than Princess Peach Toadstool? She’s the toughest damsel-in-distress around with a proper attitude that hides a deeper need to kick ass. Get this gal behind the mic and let her loose; I have a feeling that she’d make Courtney Love sound like a total fool… even more so. Also, Daisy and Toadette could do backup vocals and dancing for the complete ensemble.

You may note that there’s no lead guitarist listed. Well, that’s because, in my fantasies, that role goes to Mii. Feel free to insert your own polygonal self into that role.

Did I miss anybody? Or did I get the instrumentation all wrong? Feel free to shout out with all your beautiful, dissenting opinions in the comment section below.