If one has idle time atop the toilet, the idea that it should be spent doing something entertaining (and well, taking care of business) is not new.

But reading some crappy publication on the pot is a waste of time — reading is work, not entertainment. Instead, consider some of the many golden nuggets that are bathroom compatible.

Here are five portables that make the art of pooping fun!

Peggle Dual Shot (DS)

Peggle’s Nintendo DS port debuted in Febraury of this year, boasting an insane amount of gameplay.If you aren’t familiar with the title, it’s a mix of pin-ball and pachinko.

The bottom screen is filled with pegs of assorted colors, and the goal is to eliminate all the red one by shooting a pinball at them. If you aim each ball’s ricochet just right, you rack up mad points.

An extreme fever ensues after you hit the last red peg in each level, calling forth a lovely fireworks display to the tune of Beethoven’s ”Ode to Joy.” With 10 characters (each with a unique special ability), over 100 puzzles, and the same addictive qualities as it predecessors, Peggle Dual Shot is an ideal toilet game. I can’t think of a more fitting time to drop a massive flurry of turds than when Peggle’s extreme fever triggers. Trust me. 

Mario Kart (DS)

Mario Kart is one of the DS’s most entertaining games, regardless of where you play it. So, it only makes sense that it’s just as exhilarating on the toilet.

Depending on your anticipated time devoted to mastering the great white, you’ll need to decide between playing online or single player modes. If you’re only going to be in there for a few minutes, offline play is a must for a quick time trial or two. But if you forsee a good healthy BM, hop online for a grand prix.

Remember, snaking should only be reserved if your waste resembles that of a snake. No exceptions.

Puzzle Quest (multi)

Puzzle Quest is a great choice for the pooper, because of the game’s accessibility on the PSP, DS, and iPhone platforms so there are no excuses not to play the puzzler meets RPG on the can. Although you might not have a lot of time to do much questing while in the bathroom, the quick play works perfectly.

What’s good about the quick play function is that anything that any gold and XP you acquire in the matches translate to the quest mode. So if you win a fight every time you visit the proverbially throne room, you should have a level 50 hero in no time. Happy poo..er I mean questing…heh…heh.

God of War: Chains of Olympus (PSP)

With no quick play function, puzzle style action, or short level structure this may not seem like the best fit for for a list of games to play on the pot.

 However, being able to participate in a ménage à trois on the toilet is a weirdly intriguing experience that has to be witnessed to truly understand what it says about you as a person. There are boundaries that may or may not be crossed.

If you are a person without limits than this game fits perfectly with its brutal action, frequent save spots and short overall length. Plus the ability to take the role of Kratos anywhere will always be satisfying.

Wolfenstein 3D (iPhone)

Now I am not suggesting that you should cart a PC into your bathroom just so you can play this id classic. But if you do, all the better. In the handful of minutes constructing concentrated evil you could be doing speed runs in any one of the mazes within this nostalgic gem.

All six episodes (secret Pac-Man level, too!) are included in this iPhone must have app (only $4.99).

The controls take a bit of getting used to but four different options are offered with sensitivity settings. There is tilt functionality as well that, if mastered, can result is some real quick and precise strafing that will be necessary to beat the par on a lot of levels.

Depending on how long you plan on spending in the bathroom, you could whip out anywhere from a single level to a whole episode. I think it has been an aspiration of many to be able to end Hitler’s reign while talking a shit.

May Hitler and his followers RIP (rest in poop) after you wade through this portable.

Here is an actual* screenshot from the iPhone version of Wolfenstein 3d.

*fictional

Please remember to frequently wash your hands when partaking in the sensation that is gaming while pooping. It’s portables like these that will have you considering out your magazine rack and inserting a much needed game shelf.