Politicians, Princesses and Dragons: Let’s Get It On!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of Ben-talks-fighting-games. Only on the internet can a man like me have his thoughts heard on a subject he has no experience in creating, or relative success in playing. However, when it comes to picking characters to fight each other, I’m a natural. Don’t fight it. Let’s get ready to rumble!

Disney Princess: Melee in the Magic Kingdom

Princesses are a lot like popular girls: they’re stuck-up and they exclude people. Just look at those carefree smiles, never having to work a day in their life, looking so pretty and perfect. Who better to force into a cat-fight for survival? My money would be on Cinderella, because when she hears what the other princesses have been saying about her shoes…oh, it will be on, girlfriend. At least she can wear shoes, little miss mermaid. As a special guest fighter, I’d include Jessica Rabbit. Oh yeah, work that physics engine, baby! Don’t judge me; like you’d pick a princess over her? Still, the ultimate winner would probably be Mulan, knowing Kung-Fu and all. Heck, let’s throw Peach and Zelda in for fun. Sorry if I sound a bit bitter, but if you had to sort through Disney Princess stuff you’d be driven insane, too.

Other Realm: Survival of the Fittest

Creatures from myth and legend clash (Primal Rage -style) in a battle to decide which creatures will remain in the world. Unlike Dark Stalkers, these monsters would be on a completely different scale. I’d like to see Michael Vick try and get these guys to fight. We’re talking Dragon vs. Unicorn, Ogre vs. Giant, Griffin vs. Chimera, Cyclops vs. Gorgan, Golem vs. Troll…uh, Smurf vs. Snork! Okay not nearly as big, but it would be funny to see them fight each other. Or get stepped on. What kind of sound do you think they’d make? Sna-orrrrk! Sma-urrrrrf!

Political Kombat

McCain is ready to go, or he's having a stroke. No, it's a stroke.

The founding fathers and other famous Americans have traveled through space and time to take on the politicians of today…in Mortal Kombat. Will George Washington and Abraham Lincoln team-up against Barack Obama and John McCain? Would Hillary Clinton even agree to appear in the game? Maybe, if her husband was in it. Watch out for Reagan’s Star Wars missile defense system finisher, use caution or Benjamin Franklin will tie a kite to you during a thunderstorm, and beware the William Howard Taft body slam. See father take on son in Bush vs. Bush. Cheney could even rip out your heart and eat it, but he’d do that, anyway.

Say, with more Prizefighter coming out, do you think Don King would be interested in promoting these? Yeah, me neither. In fact, after Xbox 360’s version, it’s probably for the best.