New Doesn’t Imply Improved

The merciless overload of information that defines our generation is quick to laud the virtues of every new piece of technology, as though [non-denominational deity of either, both, or perhaps neither gender] handcrafted the thing to knock sliced bread off its pedestal.

Sometimes old stuff is just better. I mean, the past had the Tyrannosaurus Rex. The scariest thing the present can muster is the stumbling gait of the AIG which, while ruining far more lives, doesn’t eat nearly as many people.

Checkmate.

Here’s a quick comparison of different generations of video game technology.

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Memory Cards V.S. Hard Drives

Saving files directly to a console’s hard drive is certainly an attractive option, but memory cards haven’t gone the way of the mammoth quite yet. While no longer a gamer necessity, memory cards still have their convenient charms.

Maybe it’s just me, but this “one save per profile” trend in XBox 360 games is incredibly irritating. It’s convenient at first, but if more than one person uses the same console, you quickly run into problems.

Got a friend over who wants to start a new game on Resident Evil 5? Have fun logging out of your profile, making a brand new one, then restarting the entire game! Of course, your buddy will need to drop by your house every time he wants to continue where he left off!

I’m aware you can buy a memory card for the 360, but they’re actually more of a hassle. You can still only save one game per profile, and the profile needs to be saved to the card as well. Backup copies of a game, you say? Why the hell would anybody want to do that?

The only thing hard drive saves have going for them is that they’re much harder to misplace. It’s fairly easy to loose something small like a memory card. If you’re missing your entire console, your saved data is the least of your worries.

Winner: Memory Cards

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Voice Acting V.S. The Written Word

In most next-gen games, characters actually talking is pretty much a given. It may be forced and awkward and downright unpleasant to listen to, but at least it’s audible, dammit!

Written dialog, on the other hand, allows you to imagine a rousing delivery from the entire cast, not just those voiced by actors whose paychecks cleared. Someday, when voice acting (and the scripts they enhance) improves, I’ll embrace it.

But for now, I’d rather read something mentally engaging than listen to the one-syllable stream of obsenitites spewing from Marcus Fenix’s mouth.

Plus, voice acting has one bizarre, unintended consequence. If the game’s script is read aloud, then the characters’ names are usually unchangeable. This means that, as much as we all want to, we’re forced to call Vaan from Final Fantasty XII Vaan. Not Pussywillow. Or DoucheKnuckle. Or GodYouRuinEverythingYouKnowThatWhyWon’tYouDie.

(That last one may be too long.)

Winner: The Written Word

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Game Over Screen V.S. Infinite Respawn Hand Holding

Games are slowly shifting from challenges to experiences. In a challenge, you actually have to expend some effort to triumph. In an experience, you can just zone out and bumble along for the ride.

It used to be that if you died in a game, you’d find yourself vehemently praying that you’d saved sometime in the past hour. And if you had, reloading would seldom launch you face-first back into the action. As general rule, dying was something you avoided.

Nowadays, we have games that automatically save your data every few minutes, and others (Prince of Persia) that take death out of the equation all together. While this definitely keeps the flow of the game from shattering, it also throws strategy, practice, and immaculate timing out the window.

Beating a game no longer implies that you’ve invested time, energy, and emotion. All it means is that you do, in fact, own the game and have played it for a while.

Winner: Game Over Screen

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Maybe I’m just being something of a Luddite, but all this new technology really gets my goat. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve need to send my friend a carrier pigeon to see if we’re still on for our black powder hunting expedition this Sabbath.

Good morrow.