Maybe I Just Don’t Get It

For my first non-introductory rant, I really wanted to write an obsolete review. You see, for Christmas this year I received a laptop that has some pretty solid horsepower (compared to my old college desktop that could hardly run Age of Empires II) and in my haste to celebrate my brand new PC I decided to pick up Crysis.

And what is the first thing that all game journalists do after they get a new game? They review it; even if it’s too old to be news but too new to be retro.

Anyway, I kind of figured that there might be other people in similar boats who are finally upgrading their computers who might want to know if this ocular feast is actually worth playing. To those of you out there, I just want to say that the on board Vista game Chess Titans is entertaining me better than Crysis is right now.

Before you hardcore Crytek fans all find out where I live and try to set fire to the place, let me explain: the game is beautiful, but I don’t give a shit about graphics. The game’s physics are also top notch aside form the occasional flail and Crytek did a phenomenal job implementing them without completely destroying the player’s frame rate, which is very impressive given the requirements of the game. The guns are balanced and the nano-suit powers really give you that sense of being an untouchable badass while still tactically challenging you.

All that said, the level designer shouldn’t put this game on their resume. Crysis was advertised as a free-roaming game that allows you to reach objectives in any way you see fit. This is just plain false. A lot of times there are villages and camps that can be entered from all sides, but just as often there are barriers in place that make absolutely no goddamn sense. The most obvious is a strip of landmines that are instant death if you even so much as look at them the wrong way.

What these minefield segments told me was that Crysis is a free roaming game, as long as you only go where the developers want you to.

Also, who decided that “free roaming” in a zero G environment was a good idea? It gives you the same feeling as being tossed off of a fast moving jet ski only to be completely disoriented and unable to breath. This is not the kind of experience any game should try to simulate.

Okay, maybe I just don’t get the appeal of Crysis. I suppose the game isn’t bad if the aforementioned annoyances aren’t your hot-button triggers, but I’m afraid they certainly are mine. I might try to keep plugging away at this game seeing as I’m only half way through or so, but I have a hunch that slicing off the tips of my fingers and trying to play “Through the Fire and Flame” on Expert would be a more rewarding experience.

-That Guy

PS: EA, good work making your intro logo unskippable, unlike Crytek’s, NVidea’s and Intel’s. That doesn’t make you look like a massive tool of a corporation or anything.</sarcasm>