Game Sequels That Made You Cry Man Tears

Sometimes the word “stop” evades the ears of certain people. The people I’m talking about are those who seek to capitalize on a successful franchise by releasing a half-assed sequel.

While these people are no murderers or rapists, I still feel like smacking them in the face for selling out some classics. At least then I can pay back some of the pain those developers have forced me to endure.

Anyways, here’s an ode to gaming sequels that should be shot, sterilized, and blasted into space so we may never see them again… God help any aliens that get their hands on these games. (Okay that was an exaggeration: These sequels aren’t necessarily bad, just disappointing — with exception of the first game on the list.)

Here we go in no particular order…

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty: Remember when this came out? The first game was a legendary title, and you hoped the franchise’s first venture onto the brand spankin’ new PS2 would blow your mind. You remember don’t you? All those fantasies about Otacon Snake. Mmmmm.

Then you finally get your copy and you put the disc in. After a few minutes of cut scenes with Snake on the rainy bridge your anxiety reached a boiling point. Then, after a few more cut scenes, your fingers tingle with anticipation. Then, after a few more cut scenes, you just get angry. And to top it all off, you don’t even get to play as Snake for half the game!

Wow, what a bitch! Horrible, horrible blemish on an otherwise flawless series.

Mario Kart Wii: Was this even a new game? Besides the obvious control scheme I could not tell the difference from Mario Kart 64. In all reality, this was Nintendo’s excuse to make you pay $80 for both the game and controller just to play the steering equivalent of the air guitar with less headbanging.

All the maps were classics from previous versions, and while I love nostalgia, Nintendo could have given us something new to toy around with. The only thing that game has going for it are the interesting Mii’s you get to see while playing online. True story, I have beaten both Jesus and Batman.

Final Fantasy X-2: Where to begin. Well, this game was a first for the Final Fantasy series in many regards. Not only was it the first direct sequel that continued a previous storyline, but it was also the first game whose playable characters were made up entirely of hawt CG girls. I guess it was rated “T” for a reason.

The game itself was alright. I mean, it did contain all the classic elements of Final Fantasy that we have come to love, but it was apparent that Square Enix was selling out its prized franchise. A girl band really?! At least they didn’t rape and pillage Final Fantasy VII.

Counter-Strike: Source: Okay, this one is going to be a bit controversial, but hear me out… or read me out, I guess. The original Counter-Strike was built on an engine that was semi-realistic, but allowed for ridiculous and crazy shit that defied the laws of physics and made Sir Isaac Newton crap his pants (Pubmasters, anyone?). Despite this, the game still required high amounts of skill.

As a sequel, Source does a lot of things a sequel should do. The graphics have been obviously improved, the interface has been updated, and it includes many of the classic features from the previous game, as well as some new stuff.

However, in terms of gameplay (this is where I expect opinions to be split), the game drastically changed. The original CS was a mixture between reality and arcade with neither element becoming too dominant. It was a great medium between the Quake and Unreal series and something like America’s Army.

In CS:S though — thanks to a vastly improved graphics engine — the balance has shifted towards realism, sacrificing a lot of entertaining gameplay in the process.

With CS:S, the days of crazy stunts (relative to the OG CS) have effectively been destroyed, at least on standard servers.

Guitar Hero 3: No microphone and no drums makes this writer go mad. I guess this was the last hoorah for the Guitar Hero series to rake in on the bland guitars-only system, but with Rockband already released, GH could have at least introduced something new.
I don’t know: perhaps a video recording device to capture your every embarrassing e-Rock moves?