Fuck, Marry, Kill: Choices in the Mushroom Kingdom.

You know you’ve though about it! Don’t sit there and bellow at your monitor like I’m some perverted monsters in a horror film. At some point, our warped minds have evaluated characters that wouldn’t normally come to mind as sexual objects, personalities we would want to marry or even things we would want kill off!

With all of the selections to be had in the Mushroom Kingdom, we have narrowed it down to 3 dazzling beauties — a trio of characters from the Mushroom Kingdom who possess not only bipedal features, but a slight aura of cuteness as well.

Fuck - Daisy

Let’s face it, men want a sweet and innocent lady on the outside and nasty and seductive temptress on inside. Daisy lends a personality that touches on both. Voluptuous hair, blue eyes, and that yellow dress that must be concealing something, Daisy continues to leave us hanging!

With all of these alluring qualities, who could resist? We must give the “Fuck” to Daisy, despite her scarcity in the Mario World. Perhaps in the future we will get a chance to see some more action from this brunette hottie.  

Marry - Rosalina

Rosalina fails to showcase much sexuality or any wild side, which is exactly why we wouldn’t want to put her in the “Fuck” category. However, we do find major appeal in her hospitality and her loving character.

I would have a difficult time giving Rosalina the “Kill” card. A fresh face, however, is always welcome and she has a certain mystery about her that warrants loving attention. Rosalina, we love you so dear, which is why we must designate you as our bride to be!    

Kill - Peach

Sorry, Peach — you got to go! You ooze zero sexuality, and I have honestly seen what you can do with a frying pan: It wasn’t exactly cooking bacon and eggs. While that pink dress exhibits a tad bit of cuteness, it does nothing with that golden blond hair.

One cannot imagine you are simply ageless because you are pushing 30 in Nintendo years. I would also have to say that blonds are honestly not that much fun. We know you have been with us forever Peach, but you have brought nothing to the table that our other two fine ladies do not already have.