Dear Blizzard: Let’s rehash something new for a change!

Hooray! Blizzard finally announced a new release! And by “new,” I mean “another installment in an 11-year-old franchise.” It’s a relative newcomer compared to the gaming mammoth’s Games That End In -Arcraft series, but another Gothic dungeon crawler with the same name as the first two is hardly groundbreaking, despite the ravenous Diablo fans that have been marking days off their calendar since the original installation. Ironically, unless you count the “-arcraft” games as separate franchises, wacky old Diablo’s still the newest goose in Blizzard’s golden-egg-laying flock.

In other words, our good pals at Blizzard are so busy counting up huge heaps of WoW cash that they don’t have time to cook up fresh universes or invent fancy new lore. So, there’s not much relief in sight for all you folks who are at the point where the next “new” Orc, Barbarian or Zergling will kick off your gag reflex and possibly initiate your self-destruct sequence. Unless, that is, we can get Blizzard to resurrect another one of their lesser-known gaming franchises. Rock & Roll Racing II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold, anyone?

What about The Lost Vikings? Everyone’s favorite flatulent Nordic goofballs are perfect fits for the booming Wii-era, silly-but-family-friendly genre! It’s only a matter of time until, given success of the Star Wars and Indiana Jones titles, Blizzard decides it’s time to produce The Lost Vikings III: Lego Edition. It’s so obvious it’s almost automatic! After all, Legos come from that notorious Viking hotbed: Denmark, and already enjoy the sort of off-computer popularity that the World of Warcraft Trading Card Game can only dream of!

And if that’s a little too fluffy for your taste, there’s always Blackthorne! If that rascally Prince of Persia can still sell games, then why can’t his vastly-more-hardcore rival, Kyle Blackthorne? He may be the only person in the entire Blizzard universe who wasn’t teased mercilessly in third grade for having an uber-dorky name like Sarlac or Mankrik, but that doesn’t mean Kyle came without a chip on his shoulder! Kyle deserves another shot, even if he’ll probably take it backward, without looking. Because that’s just how awesome he really is.