Caution: Sex in Games May Cause Awkwardness

Games are known for their gratuitous violence. It’s a given that at any time in most games a head can explode, or you’re going to shoot something at someone. Those are the facts, and we as gamers are cool with that. As soon as games cross that line and move onto sexual innuendos and other such themes, things get a little dicey. NSFW, by the way.

I remember fondly playing Metal Gear Solid with some of my friends and we were having a great time. Nothing better than hiding in a box then choking someone out. Then, we made it to the Psycho Mantis segment and Meryl started coming onto us. We were young and new to the whole idea of girls wanting boys and no one said anything as we sat mystified at the sexual innuendo coming from the speakers. “Snake. Don’t you want me?” Meryl asked seductively. Blood rushed to our faces, we broke out in sweat and no one stood up for quite some time. We were young nerds, what do you expect?

Sex in games has always been awkward, though. I’m not sure I know anyone who could play Conker’s Bad Fur Day with a clean conscience. And also barricading the door in case their parents barged in. It’s practically more embarrassing than getting caught masturbating. Don’t believe me? Go check it out yourself. And I dare you to play it without feeling some sort of shame.

I suppose the motive beyond these sex scenes is an attempt to be edgy and funny at the same time. Which makes me wonder exactly what the people who created Custard’s Last Stand were thinking. That game is extremely vile and vomit-inducing. Who shouted out “Rape Indians!” as a game play mechanic during a brain storming session, and then, who would second that? Perhaps rape wasn’t terrible enough, they had to throw in Indians. Maybe it was just being historically accurate? I don’t know, nor do I want to know, but frankly, seeing it would make you and whomever else is within 20 feet of you feel extremely awkward.

Sex does sell and games are made to be sold. With that in mind, Soul Calibur 4 should be selling piles upon piles of copies (much like GTA IV does). Breast are filled to the brim with virtual silicon, and it must be illegal to sell clothes to women in this fantasy world. I am posting a picture of Ivy in the hopes of getting my point across, not in the vein of being a pervert.

I changed my mind. I will link it because I’m not stooping to that level and turning GotGame into a vile, dirty one-stop for all the breasts you want. And also, I feel awkward enough having my name attached to this article. I have brought great shame to my family.

See what sex in video games does to a person?