Playstation 3: You Are Awesome And No One Knows It, Yet

Here is a link I think you should go to before reading this article.  Right on the front page you can see it; under its competition and right at the bottom is the Playstation 3, dead last in sales by about $6 million.  You might be asking what the most powerful console available is doing cleaning the basement with a toothbrush; well, I will tell you what.  The reason why the PS3 is rocking the bottom of the barrel is because the PS3 is that f-ing awesome.  You heard me right.  Only awesome systems suck so much on paper.  And only an awesome console like the PS3 has the resolve and stamina to clean crap off the floor and brush its teeth at the same time.  Awesome.

I was asked to write about why the PS3 is doing so poorly in sales.  I thought long and hard about the idea of the PS3 being a piece of shit, but something did not jive.  The PS3 is an awesome system, seriously!  I simply do not get the hate, so instead of trying, I ate some PS3-flavored Doritos while playing Metal Gear Solid 4 and watching American Psycho on Blu-ray.  Christian Bale and Solid Snake?  Awesome.

But I needed to write an article, so I thought to myself, “Adam, you are a PS3 owner, why did you purchase the system?”  Then I realized the answer.  Because I am awesome, and only awesome people own the Playstation 3.  Satisfied, I linked my non-existent PSP to my PS3 and went to the bathroom to pinch a loaf.  From there, I downloaded Echochrome and solved awesome puzzles for my stick-figure guy, because, like me, he too is pretty damn awesome.

When I had finished evacuating and was feeling hygienic, I came back to my room and looked at my article, which was a white, blank document.  Then I looked at my PS3, which is shiny, piano black and oozing of awesome, so I neglected my job, signed into the Playstation Network and began posting online about how awesome we all are because we own the Playstation 3 and we can communicate over our Playstation 3s and compliment each other because we own the Playstation 3 – and we are awesome.  Playstation 3, baby, PWRAYSHTRAYSHUN FREEEE!

I hope you all are picking up on my sarcasm, because I am laying it on pretty thick here.  The whole point of this article is that the Playstation 3 is a really good system that does not, yet, have the respect it will soon achieve.  It has a great, growing online catalogue where you can download full Playstation games.  Like the 360, you can also download movies and television shows.  The network is smooth and fluid, with hardly any problems.

With Blu-ray, the Playstation 3 is a graphical beast.  Since Blu-ray won the format war, PS3 has the advantage of not only being able to play the new high-definition format, but of simply being one of the best Blu-ray players on the market – and at a fantastic price of $399.99!  Awesome console?  Awesome movies?  Double-awesome!  Running riot!  Wait, wrong system.

The only problem I can think of in regard to the Playstation 3 and video gaming is that when you look at it, you do not see a gaming console.  The PS3 is more like an entertainment unit, but an affordable one at that.  Sure, they could use a few more exclusive titles, but they have some (i.e. MGS4, Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, etc…) and as soon as they really unlock the chains (God of War 3, anyone?), Sony should be unloading more consoles.

So if you have a problem with the Playstation 3 because it looks crappy on the sales front, you should show me your ass so I can kick it.  Now that would be awesome!

Note: I love all of the consoles and I love all of you as well.