A Video Game Lover’s Lament
I’m not one to openly proclaim attraction to video game characters. Sure, there’s definitely a concerted effort on the part of developers to attract my demographic (single lonely male nerd), but despite deliberately placed female eye-candy, I always had to be attracted to personality. It’s not that characters like Lara Croft’s zeppelin-sized mammary glands and sexy British accent weren’t inspiring, but looks can only go so far.
Nonetheless, once in awhile a video game character reaches out and irrationally charms me. I don’t watch many movies, but I play lots of video games, so with the same illogic that leads others to crush on a movie character, I find myself with the occasional crush on video game characters. When that crush comes with prescription level pain-killers and a damn good video game to recover from surgery with, one may find the video game character producing the kind of feelings that lead to a sappy poem.
Thus, I present the following lovers’ lament towards a video game character, written in a bastardized, vaguely Shakespearean format. See if you can guess the character and game the poem revolves around, or cheat by skipping to the end of the poem. Either way, I present a Video Game Lover’s Lament, in all its disturbing glory. At least I can legitimately claim to have been pepped up on pain-killers.
Do you recall the game that we played,
When you awakened my savage heart?
The scorn and insults that you proclaimed
Now opposite the pain with which we part.
Thy wit prov’d sharper than my master blade,
Yet for many hours we play’d and play’d.
Despite my surgery that fate decreed
Together we conquered temple breeze’d.
Those sunlike eyes, that whimsical smirk,
your form embraced with black and white,
allowed in my heart some love to lurk,
helped me to conquer my inner night.
With frozen things, Gamecube, and heart of gold
We restored the balance of Hyrule old.
Perhaps it was the Vicodins,
That had me thinking while I was your ride,
and while we killed colored gelatins
how nice it’d be if you were mine.
Perhaps someday I’ll be less lame
And within reality will my heart flame.
Until then though, real life is scary
and thus I’d rather look for fairies.
While in wolfish form, you’re on my back.
Was it love? Convenience? It matters not
We two loners formed our pact, and yet,
As awful as it sounds, some found you hot.
We near the end of my poetic affections
Better stick to gaming, upon further reflections.
’twas a fools’ delight, this I know
But nonetheless, I loved you so.
I guess I blame Miyamoto,
Or perchance that damned Nintendo.
Irregardless, it has been fun.
Remember me, my twilight friend.
For though you cannot be the one.
Now deprived, my heart is rended.
Tags: Gamecube, Nintendo, Shakespeare, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
I, for one, do not find anything wrong with this at all. Kudos on a poem well-written.
Woohoo! Nice poem!
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well done sir!
Well done!
How are you not beating off the ladies with a stick (or Master Sword?)
If nerd women had hearts, they would be beating quite heavily after reading this lovely piece.
Bravo, sir, bravo!
Heh heh, “rended”… nice. An age old poet’s dilemma–sacrifice good meter to use the correct past form of “rend”, or keep good meter and contrive a new word?! Irregardless…
Very nice post! I thing this will be inspiration for lots of people.
Thank You, Keep up the Great work