A Quickie Guide to Drunken Gaming

Okay, like Ken Levine says, “We’re all a giant bunch of f’ing nerds,” right?  Right.  You know we all say that we go out and pick up the ladies on gaming forums and WoW community sites.  But if we ever were actually caught saying that in person, we’d look like McLovin, “chickie-wut-wut!” Truth is, we don’t even really want to do that. Clubs and bars are fine and all, but we just wanna drink, have a good time with our buddies, and play games while doing both, right?  Right.  So what games are best to play drunk? 

Wii Sports.  This is probably the best game to have a group of people over to play.  Arms flailing, Wiimote straps failing, add the drunks that can’t stand properly after a few drinks and you know something’s bound to get broken.  Granted, thrown Wiimotes and broken stuff means you’ll be moving around a lot.  So you don’t want a heavy beverage weighing you down.  Be sure to drink lots of water so you don’t dehydrate while sweatin’ and drinkin’.  

Halo 3.  Look, we all know Halo multiplayer is fun.  It’s true!  But when you have your one friend over that plays online with you, don’t go without having a frozen bottle of Beam and enough ice to keep it that way.  And you know why: no matter how much fun Halo 3 is, you will always run into those racist 13-year-old kids that team up and do the cheapest shit in the game.  They find a way to break a map and then exploit it every time you play them.  The whiskey won’t make you feel better, but you’ll get pissed off enough to say something that will make the fat kid cry, and then you’ll both quit and go out for a smoke…then go right back into the fray after your whiskey-induced woosah.

Guitar Hero.  I can’t say there is any more perfect a game to drink to than Guitar Hero.  You can rock out, and if you have enough Sam Adams Boston Lagers, you’ll believe you really are a rockstar.  There’s something about that smokey-yet-sweet taste that makes you feel like you’re in a basement club somewhere thrashing for real.  The trick is to take a huge swig right before the big solo.  You’ll look badass, even when you’re doing it all by your lonesome.

Not Boston Lager. Epic fail.

Those are my 3 picks for drinking and gaming.  There are plenty more combos, but this is where the serious drunken gamers need to start.  Cheers, mates.  Let’s nerd out, then pass out.