5 Games That Would Be Better with a Portal Gun

There are few certainties in gaming: extra lives, “game over” screens, and saving the princess.  It’s time to add one more to that short list.  The addition of the gun from Portal would drastically alter any game (for the better, of course), so why not help struggling developers who can’t seem to come up with new game play mechanics?  Here’s a list of games that would benefit greatly from the inclusion of a portal gun — GLADoS (sadly) not included.

Madden ‘10

This is one series that is in desperate need of innovation.  While the franchise has no problems selling millions of copies each year, cynical gamers are quick to deride each yearly installment as nothing more than a roster update.  By equipping a player on each side with a portal gun (let’s make it the safety, since it’s a useless position as it is), linebackers could sack quarterbacks through the time-space continuum and d-backs could intercept Hail Marys with ease.  If they’re feeling particularly generous, they could port lethargic John Madden out of the announcer’s booth and into a bed. The guy needs a break, EA.

Too Human

This title was 10+ years in the making and still met with a cold shoulder from critics.  Too Human’s grind-fest game play may satisfy Diablo fanboys, but myriad technical issues prevented it from achieving mythical status.  A quick patch could arm warrior-god Baldur with a portal gun, allowing him to drop enemy hordes into the abyss.  More creative players could skip large portions of the game’s repetitive environments, alleviating the tedium of the thankfully already short quest.

Half-Life 3

This should be a given, seeing that the Half-Life series has always been about bending the rules of the FPS genre and introducing unique physics-based puzzles.  Half-Life 3 could take the series’ penchant for innovation to the next level by equipping Gordon Freeman with a portal/gravity gun hybrid.  Imagine opening a portal, grabbing a buzzsaw, and then firing the bladed death through one end of the portal and out the other into the waiting face of a Combine fighter.

Animal Crossing: City Folk

The next iteration of the beloved Animal Crossing franchise features few graphical upgrades from the original GameCube version.  What better way to exploit that unused processing power than with a portal gun?  Never again will you be forced to scrub Gracie’s car clean; simply dump it into the ocean instead.  Mr. Resetti chewing you out for accidentally turning off the game without saving first?  He won’t have much to say when you teleport him into a neighbor’s basement.  And the next time Tom Nook comes around asking for your loan repayment, warp him on top of your roof and work out a new deal.

Grand Theft Auto V

The Grand Theft Auto series is already known for its amazing amount of freedom and go-anywhere game play, so throwing in a portal gun may seem like overkill.  Of course, after launching a stolen car through the side of a building and coming out of its roof to avoid the po-po, you’ll likely change your mind.  Assassination missions may become a bit too easy with your newfound time-space manipulation abilities (you could garrote your mark then instantly be miles away from the crime scene), but the near-limitless potential of the open world genre would increase infinitely with the help of a portal gun.